Tuesday, December 16, 2014

10 Things You Love To Do, That Are Banned in the Bible (A Must Read)

I saw this article with same title on Naijaside.com. It must have been written by an unbeliever, but it makes a hilarious read all the same.

1. Bacon

"And the pig, though it has a divided hoof, does not chew the cud; it is unclean for you. You must not eat their meat or touch their carcasses; they are unclean for you." – Leviticus 11:7-8

Bacon is one of the tastiest things on the entire planet, but the Bible doesn't want us to eat it — or any part of the pig for that matter. The pig is just one of many "unclean" animals that were forbidden to eat, but only for the strange reason that it eats normally. "Clean" animals like the cow regurgitate their food and eat it again.

2. Tattoos

"Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the Lord." – Leviticus 19:28

Over the past 20 years or so, tattoos have gone from an outcast art form to a nealy mainstream hobby. It seems like almost everyone has a tattoo these days, which is big problem according to the bible! God himself forbid putting permanent marks on your skin, which makes tattoos of Jesus' face hilariously ironic.

3. All You Can Eat Buffets

"Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat, for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and slumber will clothe them with rags." – Proverbs 23:20-21

The Bible forbids overeating, but now it's a lot harder to eat right compared to Biblical times. Restaurants offer huge portions of delicious food, and all-you-can-eat buffets are the worst offenders. You want to get your money's worth, so you're going to pile your plate high and come back for seconds and thirds.

4) T-Shirts

"Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material." – Leviticus 19:19

This Biblical rule doesn't even make sense. Why is wearing two different materials such a bad thing? Fabric blends are used in most clothing items these days, and without weaving cotton and polyester together we wouldn't have comfortable t-shirts that don't shrink!

5)Fashionistas

"I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes," – 1 Timothy 2:9

Women in Biblical times weren't really that different than modern women, but they were subjected to some really intense rules! The Bible basically banned them from wearing anything that might draw attention to themselves. The modern fashionista is now obsessed

6) Labradoodles

"Keep my decrees. Do not mate different kinds of animals." – Leviticus 19:19

Cross-breeding different species is extremely common these days, and it happens in nature all the time. The Bible prohibited mating different animals, but we'd never have adorable dog breeds like the labradoodle or maltipoo without it!

7) Gossip

"Whoever slanders their neighbor in secret, I will put to silence; whoever has haughty eyes and a proud heart, I will not tolerate." – Psalm 101:5

It's hard to watch TV or surf the Internet without running into some form of gossip. Whether it's the latest celebrity "news" or your friends ranting about something on Facebook, there's plenty of thing the Bible doesn't want you to talk about. Just try to talk to your friends on the phone without gossiping about someone else and you'll see how hard it is!

8)Popcorn Shrimp

"But all creatures in the seas or streams that do not have fins and scales—whether among all the swarming things or among all the other living creatures in the water—you are to regard as unclean. And since you are to regard them as unclean, you must not eat their meat; you must regard their carcasses as unclean." – Leviticus 11:10-11

Red Lobster and Joe's Crab Shack would never exist if we followed the rules of the bible. All shellfish are regarded as unclean animals, so that means no crab legs, lobster tails, or popcorn shrimp. It's pretty obvious why this rule has gone ignored.

9) Sex (chai !!! so many people are so guilty of this one o…Lol)

"It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." – 1 Corinthians 7:1

Basically the Bible doesn't want you to have sex unless you're married and it's for the purpose of making a baby. And it's not just sex, but anything even related to sex or even thinking naughty thoughts is against the rules. Good luck trying to follow them!
Comedians(Hian !! lolz)

"Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving." – Ephesians 5:4

While the Bible doesn't completely forbid humor, it makes it pretty hard to be funny. Almost anything you watch on Comedy Central or in a live stand-up act will break these rules.

C'mon, what would the world be like without fart jokes?

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